And You Will Throw Your Arms Around Me

What is the problem with human relations any more?! Really I am so frustrated and I guess this is what writing a blog is all about—exercising my right to bitch about things. Bear with me but I have a feeling that some of you will agree with me.

So I was at the spa after a serious workout. Twice a week I pamper myself for about 90 minutes or two hours. I decided to hit the detox box for awhile since I was a little sore. I went to the magazine bin and found this months newest Australian Cosmo (I think Scarlett Johansson was on the front.) Now normally I love Cosmo. I’m a Cosmo slut at heart, I read all the ways to please my men and how to wear the latest frock… and when they include the naked guys I’m in heaven. (Which if you haven’t seen the NRL- Naked Rugby League spread in Cosmo from two months prior, please check it out! Some of those guys… ok I’ll stop, its getting harder to type.)

ANYWAYS, sorry to digress. But I’m in the box and I’m enjoying my read. I read some informative things about fashion and how Scarlett doesn’t think that she’s an easy lay. But after about half an hour I’m a bit dizzy so I leave the box. I can’t take my magazine into the steam room or the Jacuzzi so I put it aside for awhile. I’m relaxed, my skin looks great and I decide I need a foot massage in the pedicure chairs. So I settle back in with my Cosmo. Okay yes by now, I’m sure your thinking, K just get on with the story alright!

So alright, I settle in to read this article about “What guys are really thinking” Like we don’t know that it isn’t porn and sports… but I decide to read more anyways. This article was about what guys do to get a girl to notice them. It was also about how to decode their behaviour when they want to get rid of a girl. So there was the cliché “I pretend I like what she likes.” “I spend a lot of time on foreplay so I know she’ll call me back” “I won’t call for a few days to make her wait.” Yeah, whatever I’m old enough now to know all about the games people play.

But it was the rest of the article that really bugged me. Particularly the parts about how to get rid of a girl. One guy said he would “Bang her best friend and let her catch us.” Very effective. Another guy said that he would pick up a girl for a date but tell her that on the way that he had to return some DVDs that he hired. Then he would let her see that it was hardcore porn. That works unless she is a freak and then is really interested and won’t leave. Anyways you can read the article yourself if you want more pointers.

The part that really bugs me is that no where did any guy every just say that he wasn’t interested anymore! Has our society really turned so soft and pc that we are just unable to tell people the truth anymore? What’s wrong with “This isn’t working, we should just stop.” Yeah yeah, lot easier said that done. Got it. But so much better in the long run.

Okay here’s an embarrassing story about me. Back when I worked at the museum we used to have a lot of these inter-departmental public events. Our department (Public Education) would plan and host the event and we would get the herpetologists and paleontologists and various scientists involved. There was this guy that we called Indiana Kenny who was a paleo-botanist by trade and herpetologist by hobby that would always volunteer. (Yes, Indiana because he wore khaki and the hat.) Kenny was knowledgeable but also kinda cold and aloof. He wasn’t the friendliest to us girls. So we had a plan. Kinda like “She’s All That” or “The Taming of the Shrew”. As I was the only one without a guy at the time, it was up to me. So we decided to try the secret admirer route. We tried little notes… then we tried rumour. As it always happens in these things, I actually started to like him the more I found out about him. Pretty smart guy and we had the whole animal/reptile things in common. Wow, were the rumours abound in the paleo department. Who was this girl that liked him?! Problem was, I needed a messenger. The only person I could get to volunteer (and she didn’t know the twist, she thought that I really liked him even from the start) was a girl who was in the running to be Miss North Dakota. D’OH indeed! As it turned out Indiana Kenny thought that Miss North Dakota was being coy and she was his admirer. When he found out it was me, he came to find me. I was working on my laptop alone in the office one Saturday afternoon, he knocked on the door. I looked up and my heart started beating like mad! He was kind but to the point. “I’m flattered,” he says “But just not interested. Thanks anyways.” THUD went my ego. I was able to say “Hey, no worries.” He turned around and then I died. Right there in the middle of the office.

“What’s the point of this story, Kai?” You are asking. Well the point is that despite his lack of social graces, Indiana Kenny just told me the truth. He didn’t ignore me, he didn’t make up some story, he just laid it on the line. And for that I really respect him. My ego healed. I didn’t need some book to translate his behaviour or his words. He just wasn’t in to me. I should have saved myself the time, skipped MY game playing and just walked up to him and said, “I like you wanna go and get some coffee after work?” I could have given him the chance to say no then thus saving my ego. Or who knows, perhaps if I hadn’t got Miss North Dakota involved he wouldn’t have fallen for her. All of this note passing really gave them time to talk. Maybe I would have had my chance.

So that’s it. I’m angry because people no longer tell the truth. We play games and lie in our hearts. We hurt people more this way. We confuse people more this way. We send out signals to lull other people into love and complacency but we really don’t mean it. Then Cosmo has to waste pages that it could have been giving me valuable fellatio tips on!

Yes, to those of you that know me from deep inside my heart, I sound like a hypocrite. But I have decided that the time is now people! Save yourself the time and trouble and the inevitable lipstick on the mirror or your details being sent to a gay web service. Let’s start a revolution here! We will be the truth tellers! We will be the ones to tell it like it is! I’m just not that in to you! I don’t want to date you! But I give a hell of a blow job!

Love you all, K

Better Days

I guess I have been listening a little too much to Pete Murray lately. I can’t get Better Days out of my head and its making me think too much. I guess I am just a little angsty about my age right now. I am at the point where I can no longer round backwards. I am getting closer and closer to my third decade and its really starting to freak me out. I know that getting close to 30 means really nothing at all anymore. Some people like Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore say that the best thing that happened to them was that they hit 30. They says it’s liberating to be an adult, to know what you want and see how your life has become so far. I’m really not convinced.

I think that right now I am really missing my friends. I know that I chose to move a world away and start a new life. Truly I am really proud of what I have achieved so far. Its not easy to just pack up and move to a new country even when they do speak English (kind-of LOL). But there is a little part of me that miss the people who knew me “way back when.” I miss having people that I can reminisce with.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I love my new circle of friends. They really are a caring bunch of people. It’s such a group of characters with all the requisite drama and intrigue. I love that they are all so open and wonderful, yes, it’s true I really do think that you all are such a varied and amazing bunch. And yes, I do have my favourites, but theses lips are sealed and I’m not going to tell a soul!

I miss you guys back in the states. I’m having weird dreams about all of you. A few nights ago I dreamed about the time that I convinced Ashley and Kristin to help me repaint the wall in the SeaLab. It really was disgusting with all the squid pieces and fingerprints from the dissections that I used to host on the weekends. When I tried to clean the wall and repaint the spots it really looked so awful! So I suggested that we repaint it. Problem was there was a beautifully airbrushed Arcoteuthus rex painted on the wall. So I confidently decided we could mask it off and cover it with newspaper. I remember being the first one to use my roller to paint around the newspaper! I was shaking so much on the inside. We did a fantastic job however and I don’t think that our bosses ever noticed that we repainted it.

I miss that kind of stuff! Luke, I miss the convos we used to have and I liked it when you would go with me on your off days to see the early matinee. Remember the summer that we saw Gladiator so many times? Justin, I miss when you would take me with you when you started your tank cleaning business and I still wish we had Tuesday dinner together when we got paid. I wish I had a ritual like that here. Chuck, I miss everything about you! You never held anything back and I really do respect that so much about you. Remember when I dropped a lot of weight and we decided to go to Kansas City and eat at the Italian restaurant? We weren’t dressed properly but we walked in to the Gap and bought new clothes. I loved it when I realized that I dropped down to a 2! I bought so many new clothes, but then I gained some back. I remember getting dressed to go to a concert and I asked you how I looked in a trendy pair of blue pants- shortly after I put a few pounds back on. You looked at my ass and just shook your head and said “Kelly, if you wear those pants, you are so on your own.” I was so mad for a second but I realized that you were just being Chuck and telling the truth!
I miss you Fenech, remember when you tried to teach me how to drive a manual transmission and I screwed up really bad? Or how about the time your mum invited Jamie and I over for Thanksgiving and the turkey burned. Poor lady! She was so sad but really that was one of the best times I have had. I remember at my birthday when your brother went outside to get rid of that green tea ice cream he ate. That was so funny. Katy and I Stacie I can’t tell you how much I laugh about the really old days. I was such a little shit at times but you guys stayed friends with me! Remember those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pies that we ate and that one that Lisa sat on the way to roller rink and it burned a hole in her tights? Or that party that we went to and I was flirting with the boy from Mt. Garfield and Ron de-pants me and took my underwear with it? That guy I was flirting with was sitting a crotch level! My cheeks still burn with that memory.

There is so much that I miss. Believe me I am not living in the past or do I think that if we were all still together that it would be such a big deal. But I want you all to know that you mean so much to me. I think that I can live in my memories for a little while right now. As I prepare my next 3 decades it lets me realize that I have had such a happy and full life. I want my next 3 to be just as good as my first three.

I’m trying to live honestly and much more healthily. I’m going to gym 5 days a week (I’ll be cut again Abbick, you just wait and see!) and have revamped my diet. I’m studying my languages again and trying to take up more hobbies. Risking my popularity I’ve been telling people exactly what is on my mind. I made a New Year’s resolution that I was going to spend more time with friends and I’ve been working hard to make sure that happens. Although my alcohol consumption has skyy-rocketed (haha get it) because of it, but alas its just something that I’ll have to do.

As to my current circle of friends, I may sound a bit melancholy but truly you guys are the greatest. I’m developing great admiration and the biggest crushes on some of you. Thanks for making me part of the group!

For those of you that don’t know Pete Murray, I’ve included the lyrics below. Cheers!

Well I've included a link because I am unable to preserve the format. Good lord...

Check it there are no popups or anything. This is a good lyric site

http://www.moron.nl/lyrics.php?id=67269&artist=Pete%20Murray

Life Update #2- Surfing

Life Update #2

[Brisbane at night]
I suppose this is the update that I write about what is going on my life lately and all that non-interesting what-not. I hate this part because I really think that I am too boring for people to be reading this at all. But I suppose the best thing about blog entries is that at least it sends from sending those mass emails out.

Well what have I been doing…

I am very proud to say that I have learned to surf! I had no idea that I would fall in love with this sport. It takes so much strength and endurance that I have turned into a gym junkie just trying to get in shape for this. I spent nearly a few weeks cumulative in Noosa since the beginning of the year and each time we go I wade in the ocean and do a little dog paddling before my heart starts to pound and I am convinced a rip is going to carry me out to sea. I grew up in the Rocky Mountains! When I was a little girl they taught us to ski and how not to get bogged down when hiking in the wetlands. I can remember in year 3 before we went on a class hiking trip having an outdoorsman come in and lecture the class on avalanche survival and how to make air pockets to breathe in. So this ocean thing… it had me pretty frightened. I can see me being the one dragged in on “Bondi Rescue”.

[Noosa Beach]

[Noosa National Park]

Anyways, I decided that the only way to get over my fear was to either master it or die from it. I’m not usually this fatalistic but I figured that was the only way I was going to get motivation to “dive” in. Speaking of I’m not afraid of snorkeling or diving, it’s the shore and the waves that freak me out. So there was a surf school in Noosa and I signed up. As my luck would have it, my first class the day dawned cold and cloudy. The waves weren’t breaking properly and even the instructors were frustrated when trying to read them. I only stood in my last 5 minutes of class. The entire time was spent just trying to wade out in the surf. The tide was in and at my height the waves would just smack me in the face and drag me back to shore. I was so exhausted that night that I almost fell asleep in my gnocchi.

[Big Wave-That’s not ME!]


So the next week I came back. But although I didn’t really stand up on my board during that lesson I still noticed a change in me. When I headed out to wade in the ocean this time, I wasn’t as freaked out. I actually was able to read the break lines and see where I wasn’t supposed to go. I actually swam out to where my feet were unable to reach the ground and just enjoy the roll of the ocean. When I wanted to come back in I let the waves just push me back to beach. It was so liberating!

So the next afternoon I had another lesson. Jared and my old roommate Alistair were with me this time. We had a bet that the last one to stand had to buy drinks that night. I was the first one in the line… I straddled my board, waited for the wave, paddled… and then I stood! I rode it all the way to the shore. It was the most fantastic feeling. It’s truly addicting. I’ve been back and I can turn a bit. My downfall is riding diagonal into the wave face as I put too much weight on my back leg and flip over. I’m saving up for a board; it’ll probably be a 9-footer.

I do have some pictures to show you. The surf school takes pictures of its students and then sells a disc of pics from the class. Alastair, Jared and I pitched in to buy a disk…however there wasn’t a single picture of me riding a wave on the whole disk. I know I am not the most photogenic but I was so disappointed! Seriously I wanted to cry. But if you look closely you can at least see my little head in bobbing in the waves.

[Alistair]

[Jared and Me in the Background]

[Jared Being Cool]

Other than my new hobby, I’m really just working. I love the area of Brisbane I live in (Teneriffe along the Brisbane river) and I’m just around the corner from my gym. It’s a great gym. The machines all have a USB port on them that one puts a little dongle in when working out. Every few weeks you get with your personal trainer and they modify your program. The USB tells you how many reps and at what weight or how many minutes or watts to produce. Its logs your progress and you are unable to cheat. Once you check into your program you can’t check out of the gym until your training is completed. One the ladies side of the gym is a Japanese bath that I go to at least twice a week. I’ve lost 12 pounds since the pictures of my sisters wedding and I hope to get a little more off too (It’s a woman thing; we always want to lose more).

I wish that I could say that I’ve been hobnobbing with celebrities and receiving the Nobel prize but life is a little slow right now. I’m surprised that you read this much!

Life Update # 1

Life Update #1

Well I have been doing alright. As most of you know I recently flew back to America in September to visit my sister and my mum. The occasion of course was Jamie’s wedding (eek!) and of course to assuage the tiniest bit of homesickness that I have gotten in the last few years. I took Jared with me, he was very excited to visit—as he is the consummate American deep in his heart. As he likes to say he is a “Flag waving patriotic nephew of his Uncle Sam” (That’s not his expression, two points if you recognized it as a Johnny Cash lyric.)

It was such a long flight. The best deal that we got was for flying United. However, United doesn’t have a hub in Brisbane so we had to fly to Sydney. It was such a madhouse. We had to fly domestic to Sydney only to have to hop a bus to get to the last counter in a giant international terminal. We were the last to check in and we got the very last seats in the plane! However I must say the very last two seats near the rear galley are pretty good if one is flying cattle class and I think that I will actually request these seats later. There was no one behind us and I gave the window seat to Jared because he could actually stretch out his legs under the window. I got to get up and stretch as much as I wanted and I didn’t have to wait in line for the restrooms as I could always see if they were free. Unfortunately the seats didn’t have the individual telly screens but I has my Vaio, my iPod and my PSP. Aren’t I just the trendy one…

We got into Pittsburgh around midnight and all Jared wanted to do was have a bite of Wendy’s. He had heard so many good things about the burgers from the internet. Alas we passed the only one minutes after it shut off its sign. He was sad but there were 3 weeks of fast food tasting ahead for him. We had jetlag for days. We were alright in the mornings but turned into zombies in the evening. Upon retiring we found we could only sleep for a few hours (The complete dark and silence of my mum’s farm was a bit disconcerting as we are used to the lights and noises of living in Brisbane’s CBD). We would then watch late night TV for hours only to turn in to zombies again the next day. (On a side note however, have you ever seen a BeDazzler? How cool is that? I really want to bling out all of my stuff with that). Our saving grace was each catching a cold. We got so drowsy on cold medicine that we beat the lag.

[Jet Lagged and Tired]

Jamie’s wedding was… well how do one politely say CRAZY. Oops I’ve gone and said it. Yes it was crazy. Two families coming together… it may have been beautiful but it was also painful. I love my sister and she was by no means a Bridezilla but lets just say there was a bit of miscommunication on what each family was supposed to contribute. My mum was convinced that we were a bit too “tacky” to throw a proper wedding reception but we must have thrown quite a bash as 25 gatecrashers showed up and the chef graciously raided his event for the next day to provide extra food. There was dancing until dawn although I was much too partied out to dance that long. I drove my mum’s giant F-250 home in the West Virginian fog… forgetting only for a moment that I was in a left-handed drive vehicle.


[Cutting the Cake]

[Dancing]



Before I forget, the ceremony was very beautiful. My mum made gorgeous boutonnières that I swear were so heavy one could be knocked unconscious by the bud. Jamie graciously let us attendants (I was the old matron of honour) wear whatever dress we chose as long as we wore a soft shade of pink. I loved my dress. For the fashionistas it was a BCBG with gorgeous bias cut. The shoes were rose coloured heels from Badgley Mishka. Jamie and Ryan got their pictures taken atop a fire truck at Oglebay Park atop a vintage fire truck.

[Fire Truck]

[Ceremony]

[Joined Families]

[Sister’s Reunited]

With Jamie and Ryan on their honeymoon to Myrtle Beach, Jared and I took a road trip out to Lawrence. Truth is, I was craving… no, in all reality I have had the DT’s for El Mezcal for the last three years. I had it twice in the three days that we stayed there along with potato soup from Quintons and the excellent grilled turkey on sourdough with Cheddar Ale soup from Free State Brewery. I was in my own little gastronomic paradise. Jared was kept happy by a steady diet of all the fast food that we can’t get in Oz. Steak and Shake, Sonic, Wendy’s, and of course the trip was not complete with a visit to that shrine of Aussie tucker, Outback Steak House. Which reminds me of a funny story…

Jared spent a bit of time translating the Outback menu into Aussie slang that he could understand. Our waiter seemed a bit concerned—and annoyed that Jared was taking so much time. I’m sure that he was convinced Jared was a bit “special” as we were all trying to explain the “Australian favourite” the “Bloomin Onion” was indeed a deep fried onion (Sorry to disappoint but no Australian has ever had one) and when it was mentioned to the waiter that Jared was a “True Blue Aussie” he was very unimpressed. He merely shrugged and I do think that a tiny crack appeared in Jared’s heart. I think he wanted to be fawned over a bit as he thought that this made him quite a diplomat in the establishment. I assured him that he was indeed very “special” LOL and that our waiter was just a tool. Hmm, I just realized that it’s a much better story to tell rather than read…

[Jared driving on the “wrong” side of the road]

After that we spent a lot of time on the farm just relaxing and enjoying the outdoors. Jared is a gun lover and spent a lot of time with Mum’s neighbour Albert. Albert is a Wheeling City cop that took him out to shoot an AK-47 among many other “toys”. I loved my time at home, but I was a little relieved to get back home. I missed Brisbane and couldn’t wait to get back home. It was time to start our surfing lessons and I wanted to hit the beach!

[Me at the farm]

AAARGH

We still haven't moved yet. Its so frustrating, there really is nothing that I can do in advance, only stuff that I can do at the absolute last moment. There is a lot of paper work to do that keeps me pretty busy. Right now I am trying to remember what the nightly reports that we had to fill out at Pet World looked like. I seriously can't remember at all. Oh well.

Nothing really new to report-- but I do hope that things went all right with the visit from my mum. Talk to you soon!

My Fish Store

So as you can see... its crowded and very small. I think the entire store could have fit into the centre island at Pet World if you have taken out the middle tanks. Hopefully we won't have this problem at the new place but we'll see. We did design it out, but will it stay like our drawing? Nah, I doubt it!

The pics go in order-- Me taking them from the front counter moving clockwise around the store, there is a pic taken from what you see (the tank that is priced at 115) when you walk in the front door, all the way back around until you are looking at the front counter. Enjoy :p The first pic you see is of our teeny tiny little office. Urgh


I'll post more later, I just wanted to get the pics up for you. Talk to you soon